11/01/04 - Posted from the Daily Record newsroom
Muslim invites others to his table

By Jenna M. McKnight, Daily Record

DENVILLE -- Aref Assaf, 46, had only one request of the guests who gathered at his elegant home on Sunday at sundown for his family's fourth annual Ramadan banquet: have an open mind.

"Please, ask questions," he told the crowd of about 40 Muslim and non-Muslim people, who sat in his basement decorated with vibrant artwork and ornate Persian rugs. A table loaded with steaming, aromatic dishes stood ready to be devoured.

"Hopefully, you will go away enriched," he said with a gentle smile.

While scores of trick-or-treaters scurried around the Lake Arrowhead neighborhood on Sunday night, a different sort of celebration, one educational and spiritual in nature, unfolded in the Assaf home for the 17th day of Ramadan.

For the fourth year, the Denville family hosted a prayer and feast intended to introduce the Muslim faith and its traditions to non-Muslim people. Assaf, who is president of the American Arab Anti-Discrimination Committee, started having the event after Sept. 11.

"For us, it was a wake-up call," Assaf said. "I felt an obligation to tell the true story of Islam and the Arabs."

"We want to make sure our neighbors know our practices and know we're not as different as they think," he said.

Each year, Assaf and his wife, Elham, invite an eclectic mix of family members and acquaintances -- typically different people each year -- to share a meal one night during the month-long Ramadan holiday.

This year, Ramadan started on Oct. 15 and will end on Nov. 12 or 13, depending upon the sighting of the moon, Assaf explained.

During Ramadan, Muslims not only fast, but they also refrain from smoking and sex during daylight. It's a way to exercise self-control and a way to feel the pain of those who suffer, Assaf explained.

"This for us is a month for fasting, contemplation and a chance to reflect on the past year," he said.

"Denying ourselves food is an excellent example of how we can refrain from other ills and wrongs as well."

Sunday's prayer and dinner began at around 5 p.m. Sunday.

The fast was broken with the eating of dates and drinking of milk or some other liquid. That was followed by 10 minutes of deep prayer facing Mecca.

Then came the elaborate meal of stuffed grape leaves, meat pies, chicken with potatoes and rice, roasted leg of lamb and other ethnic dishes.

The main meal was followed by an assortment of desserts, including baklava and cake soaked with syrup.

Elham Assaf, who noted that they don't eat like this every night during Ramadan, said she started cooking the night before with the help of her mother and sister-in-law. She said all the hard work is worth it.

"It feels very good, especially for non-Muslims to know this is a holy month for us," she said. "We love to share it with others."

Leslie Rosser, an accountant from Mountain Lakes, was one of Sunday night's attendees. She came with her husband, Joseph, who works at Assaf's limousine company. It was their first time participating.

"I think it's wonderful," she said. "We know nothing about Ramadan. It will be a learning experience. It's so nice of Aref and Ellie to include other people so they can learn."

That sentiment was echoed by Charlie McKenna, a 48-year-old Millburn man who works in the U.S. Attorney's Office.

"Out of respect for (Aref)," he said when asked why he attended.

"I think it's important for people in law enforcement to meet with the Muslim community in this type of setting so we can openly discuss how we can work together and better our relationships."

Jenna M. McKnight can be reached at jmcknigh@gannett.com or (973) 428-6634.